It is about time for me to move on to the second phase of my life now. The first phase of my life begun after my high school days, it was the most difficult period of time of my life. I have to face everything alone and there was never another person in my life… family and friends don’t exist in my daily life at all. I was weak in both mental and emotions, I was too afraid too lose everything again and most of the time I was being too protective for myself. I thought it was the right things to do because I thought if I do have this kinda mindset then I won’t be hurt and suffer anymore.
My sweetheart notices this weakness of mine but I don’t wanna listen because I was still not totally ready to move on and trust someone. I kinda regret of making such mistakes that hurts everyone around me and loves me. I was foolish to keep doing mistake again and again without thinking the outcome of the things I do. It was few days ago, a friend of mine make me realize of my own foolishness…
That day is the worse day in my life, my sweetheart is infected by ‘chickenpox’ and her mood is bad, it was for the first time she treat me so ‘cold’ and ignore me. My mood was really down, it was later of the day my past mistakes came forward and I face it like a jerk. Somehow I was really glad that this friend of mine kick me at the butt and make me realize how ugly I am when I defended myself like a coward. My mind was open that time and I was ready to accept all the facts that he said;
There’s truth in his words that I actually agree and accept with my heart. When there’s trouble about others came into my life I would do anything in my ability to help them out but when I myself face such troubles I would only find ways to escape and hide from it. I never find a way to face the problems like a man but thanks to my friend, his words makes me understand all the weakness in me in an instant.
After talking to him, I keep thinking bout myself… I’ve change a lot in the recent years but who I am inside me never really change, I’m still stuck in the year 2002… he help me to totally release myself from my immature personality. I promise myself that I would change to accept my own responsibility, putting other peoples feeling as the main priority before I’m doing anything, and face all the problems as a real man. I’m gonna take this chance that I got now to make changes, I don’t know how long it’s gonna take to change to be a better person but I will do my very best. I won’t let anyone down anymore. Thank you my friend for everything.
Dear, I change for you as well… I’m always a sad person but no more, I am going to change for real this time. I will cherish my life and makes myself happy everyday. I will release myself from hatred and sadness that lives in me for so many years. Of course, I will do it for myself as well; even if I lose everything again in the future I will still live as happily as I should be living.
This is my last blog in this “The Diary of the Lonely Wolf” blog.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Our 3 Months Aniversary.
Today is our 3 months aniversary.
We have really make it to 3 months now… there’s nothing much to say for I know that I’m falling in love with her again every seconds in my life. I love her more than before because Anne Choo Fui Ee is my “life”.
I love you sweetheart.
P.S
Joseph.
We have really make it to 3 months now… there’s nothing much to say for I know that I’m falling in love with her again every seconds in my life. I love her more than before because Anne Choo Fui Ee is my “life”.
I love you sweetheart.
P.S
Joseph.
A Harsh Night.
Well last Saturday I had one of the most excruciating nights ever in my life…
My inner house padlock is spoil and it happened during night time. I thought my house feel kinda funny when I was walking home from far cause it was kinda bright outside. My housemates was all standing at the door inside the house (of course they are inside the house, they are lock inside). They told me that the padlock is spoil and they are unable to open it even with keys; without many options we call the “lock specialist” or a moron perhaps I would refer him as… I give that moron a call at 10:47pm and guess what time he reaches my house? That “moron” reaches my house at 1:18am; it is ‘AM’ alright!!!!!!! That dude sure kept me waiting for him outside feeding those friendly mosquitoes… thinking of it makes me mad. Somehow I’m glad that I was able to walk into my house and take my shower that I have been longing for that 2 hours and 21 minutes waiting for that “moron”.
I was most worried bout my girlfriend Anne the most… she is not feeling well again, I’m so worried bout her and she hasn’t been in a good health lately. I don’t care anymore, if any of this symptoms comes again (touchwood) I will force her to go for full body check-up. I wish she would know how bad I was worrying bout her the whole night that day and I’m still worrying bout her health and safety even at this very moment. I actually feel bad inside that I can’t be by her side when she is not feeling well… I don’t mind taking care of her 24 hours even without taking a nap, I really don’t mind… as long as she is in good health and seeing her smile to me is the first thing I wanna see in the morning. I know she ‘lives’ in me but without her by my side I feel incomplete and I dying to see her again and give her a very tight hug. I miss her a lot… a lots….
Dear, please don’t worry bout a single things in your life cause I’m always here for you (I know I’ve been telling you that for a thousand times now but it is something that I promise to do for you and I will uphold my promise as I have always do) I shall forbid anyone to hurt you or harm you in whatsoever situation, if I have to die protecting you then it shall be it… as long I’m able to protect you, nothing is worth anymore for me. I don’t know how to make you feel and trust the complete secure of being with me, I know with words I don’t really means anything to you but you still don’t really get it that from start till now… I meant every word I said to you and there’s no doubt in my words. I swear that I cannot make you feel insecure anymore for I love you much more than anything else in my life even my own life. No one in your past can love you more than I do and I am 100% affirmative that in the future you will never find another me… so I just want you to give a chance to both of us to trust me sweetheart.
My inner house padlock is spoil and it happened during night time. I thought my house feel kinda funny when I was walking home from far cause it was kinda bright outside. My housemates was all standing at the door inside the house (of course they are inside the house, they are lock inside). They told me that the padlock is spoil and they are unable to open it even with keys; without many options we call the “lock specialist” or a moron perhaps I would refer him as… I give that moron a call at 10:47pm and guess what time he reaches my house? That “moron” reaches my house at 1:18am; it is ‘AM’ alright!!!!!!! That dude sure kept me waiting for him outside feeding those friendly mosquitoes… thinking of it makes me mad. Somehow I’m glad that I was able to walk into my house and take my shower that I have been longing for that 2 hours and 21 minutes waiting for that “moron”.
I was most worried bout my girlfriend Anne the most… she is not feeling well again, I’m so worried bout her and she hasn’t been in a good health lately. I don’t care anymore, if any of this symptoms comes again (touchwood) I will force her to go for full body check-up. I wish she would know how bad I was worrying bout her the whole night that day and I’m still worrying bout her health and safety even at this very moment. I actually feel bad inside that I can’t be by her side when she is not feeling well… I don’t mind taking care of her 24 hours even without taking a nap, I really don’t mind… as long as she is in good health and seeing her smile to me is the first thing I wanna see in the morning. I know she ‘lives’ in me but without her by my side I feel incomplete and I dying to see her again and give her a very tight hug. I miss her a lot… a lots….
Dear, please don’t worry bout a single things in your life cause I’m always here for you (I know I’ve been telling you that for a thousand times now but it is something that I promise to do for you and I will uphold my promise as I have always do) I shall forbid anyone to hurt you or harm you in whatsoever situation, if I have to die protecting you then it shall be it… as long I’m able to protect you, nothing is worth anymore for me. I don’t know how to make you feel and trust the complete secure of being with me, I know with words I don’t really means anything to you but you still don’t really get it that from start till now… I meant every word I said to you and there’s no doubt in my words. I swear that I cannot make you feel insecure anymore for I love you much more than anything else in my life even my own life. No one in your past can love you more than I do and I am 100% affirmative that in the future you will never find another me… so I just want you to give a chance to both of us to trust me sweetheart.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
'God' Smile As I Walk Under The Rain With You.
The windy evening soothe my lonesomeness,
It came as a drop of tear from the heaven above,
Warm smile from the sun is bury,
Sympathies break the seal to reach into my palm as ‘rain’.
I was walking under the rain again today sweetheart. I realize that I’ve been allure to the rainy days rather often recently I would say because there was something in my unfathomable mind that I would desire to seek it out. There’s only a way to delve the ambiguous of that ‘feeling’ is to walk under the rain until the answer finds me…
Yesterday it was close…
Today it is conspicuous…
I’ve unravel the puzzle that leech on to me all this while; in the past I could always find my correlation with rainy day cause I see it as my only sole companion. Somehow the feeling is different today; as I walk back home from my evening stroll at the park in the rainy day, there is a disparity of the feeling of walking under the rain between the past and now… the feeling of being alone is no longer exist in me.
I look up at the grey sky, I could see the ‘God’ smiling at me and it’s telling me that I’ve found a hand to walk with to make it through the rain. I know that the ‘God’ must have love me because he send you to me sweetheart. It is for the first time I walk under the rain with a smile on my face and today raindrop feels warm to me as if you are walking by my side as we did the other day.
The moon awake as the nightfall,
Sear of love from heaven won’t cease even the sun is asleep,
Stars embellish the night sky as assiduous as ever,
Wish is as true as tears that fall like rain.
Togetherness with you into forever is my birthday wish last year and for every year ahead of us it will still be the unchanged wish for me… because I am Joseph in your heart.
It came as a drop of tear from the heaven above,
Warm smile from the sun is bury,
Sympathies break the seal to reach into my palm as ‘rain’.
I was walking under the rain again today sweetheart. I realize that I’ve been allure to the rainy days rather often recently I would say because there was something in my unfathomable mind that I would desire to seek it out. There’s only a way to delve the ambiguous of that ‘feeling’ is to walk under the rain until the answer finds me…
Yesterday it was close…
Today it is conspicuous…
I’ve unravel the puzzle that leech on to me all this while; in the past I could always find my correlation with rainy day cause I see it as my only sole companion. Somehow the feeling is different today; as I walk back home from my evening stroll at the park in the rainy day, there is a disparity of the feeling of walking under the rain between the past and now… the feeling of being alone is no longer exist in me.
I look up at the grey sky, I could see the ‘God’ smiling at me and it’s telling me that I’ve found a hand to walk with to make it through the rain. I know that the ‘God’ must have love me because he send you to me sweetheart. It is for the first time I walk under the rain with a smile on my face and today raindrop feels warm to me as if you are walking by my side as we did the other day.
The moon awake as the nightfall,
Sear of love from heaven won’t cease even the sun is asleep,
Stars embellish the night sky as assiduous as ever,
Wish is as true as tears that fall like rain.
Togetherness with you into forever is my birthday wish last year and for every year ahead of us it will still be the unchanged wish for me… because I am Joseph in your heart.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Missing Is A Breathing Pain.
I know some of you people may be familiar with this blog title... but it is true.... for the first in my life I miss someone so badly that it actually put me to tears the whole night long. Well, of course the person I'm missing is my princess Anne... she is on a vacation trip to Singapore which is for 5 days. Gosh... 5 days without getting in touch with my sweetheart... even a day can 'kill' me already... but she just get herself out from such a harsh month, she really deserve a holiday for all the hard work she put into last month... I really wanna go for a vacation trip with my sweetheart... I will try to plan for it after I get everything done by March... I promise you sweetheart.
I cry on the first night she went to Singapore, not to mention the rest of the days without her... I even have trouble getting myself to sleep... even now, this is why I'm blogging at this late hour. I thought I would be able to get through the days without her by filling my entire 4 days with workload (at least till the night time) but guess what?... almost all of my customer is SINGAPOREAN!!!!!! Geez... it makes me miss my Anne even more now. I was so glad that she actually did send message to me last Sunday night.. sweetheart that 2 message really means a lot to me.... I just wanna let you know bout that.... I miss you dearly sweetheart and I love you Anne.
Somehow, I keep wondering of something when I couldn't turn in these few nights, it is something which I'm not sure if it is good or bad... my sweetheart is only been away for 5 days and I already feel so much pain inside me... it sounds really good, it proves that love her very very much and I do realize that I can't live a day without her... but deep inside me, I feel 'fear'.... it is some feeling that I cannot really put into words... I'm just so afraid to lose her, I'm afraid that she will kick me aside and leave me alone for good... Well, I will try not to think of the possibility even with the letter 'if'... cause it strikes fear into my heart and makes me feel shivering cold within me...
I know I won't be getting anywhere feeling this way... all I can do is be my very best for her and pour all my love and care for her without a little that would be left behind for anyone else (my mum is a different story okay)... ha-ha.... Please don't worry sweetheart, I will never question bout us as I have promise you... a man have to honor his words and a promise is a promise. Finally but not least, I just wanna inform you guys that I won't be online till I got my laptop fix... there's something wrong with it... it would take bout a month but you can be sure that I will be back. Cheers.
My sweetheart is coming back today... I just can't wait to listen to all her stories and to tell her how much I miss her.... I think I will save the rest of the words when I chat with her later tonight if she don't feel that tired... that's is.... ha-ha.... I'm gonna miss this blog a lot..... Phew.... lucky my dear is by my side to accompany me and I do looking forward to our prom night next week.... I'm sure she will look incredibly, marvelously, outstandingly, extremely, undeniably, and awesomely pretty and hot that night (all I can do is pray that I can pair up good wit her that night). Sweet dreams everyone. Nite~.
I cry on the first night she went to Singapore, not to mention the rest of the days without her... I even have trouble getting myself to sleep... even now, this is why I'm blogging at this late hour. I thought I would be able to get through the days without her by filling my entire 4 days with workload (at least till the night time) but guess what?... almost all of my customer is SINGAPOREAN!!!!!! Geez... it makes me miss my Anne even more now. I was so glad that she actually did send message to me last Sunday night.. sweetheart that 2 message really means a lot to me.... I just wanna let you know bout that.... I miss you dearly sweetheart and I love you Anne.
Somehow, I keep wondering of something when I couldn't turn in these few nights, it is something which I'm not sure if it is good or bad... my sweetheart is only been away for 5 days and I already feel so much pain inside me... it sounds really good, it proves that love her very very much and I do realize that I can't live a day without her... but deep inside me, I feel 'fear'.... it is some feeling that I cannot really put into words... I'm just so afraid to lose her, I'm afraid that she will kick me aside and leave me alone for good... Well, I will try not to think of the possibility even with the letter 'if'... cause it strikes fear into my heart and makes me feel shivering cold within me...
I know I won't be getting anywhere feeling this way... all I can do is be my very best for her and pour all my love and care for her without a little that would be left behind for anyone else (my mum is a different story okay)... ha-ha.... Please don't worry sweetheart, I will never question bout us as I have promise you... a man have to honor his words and a promise is a promise. Finally but not least, I just wanna inform you guys that I won't be online till I got my laptop fix... there's something wrong with it... it would take bout a month but you can be sure that I will be back. Cheers.
My sweetheart is coming back today... I just can't wait to listen to all her stories and to tell her how much I miss her.... I think I will save the rest of the words when I chat with her later tonight if she don't feel that tired... that's is.... ha-ha.... I'm gonna miss this blog a lot..... Phew.... lucky my dear is by my side to accompany me and I do looking forward to our prom night next week.... I'm sure she will look incredibly, marvelously, outstandingly, extremely, undeniably, and awesomely pretty and hot that night (all I can do is pray that I can pair up good wit her that night). Sweet dreams everyone. Nite~.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Ferris Wheel (Smile Again).
Shall we take a ride on the Ferris wheel?
There's nothing to be afraid,
Take my hands and close your eyes Dearie,
Come into my arms,
I will hold you tight all the way round.
Open your eyes... now,
I will show the beauty of this world,
All the street lamps,
Swirl around us and the stars in the sky,
Sparkle brilliantly,
Isn't it a wonderful world?
Smile again my love,
I swear with my life,
I shall forbid anyone to fade your smile.
Smile again my love,
Even if I turn to ashes,
I shall rise again just to see you smile.
Smile again my love,
Tell me that you love me,
That's the magic moments we share.
Now I believe that...
Wishes come true on a Ferris wheel.
Shall we take a ride on the Ferris wheel?
There's nothing to be afraid,
Take my hands and close your eyes Dearie,
Come into my arms,
I will hold you tight all the way round.
Open your eyes... now,
I will show you the beauty of this world,
All the street lamps,
Swirl around us and the stars in the sky,
Sparkle brilliantly,
Isn't it a wonderful world?
Smile again my love,
I swear with my life,
I shall forbid anyone to fade your smile.
Smile again my love,
Even if I turn to ashes,
I shall rise again just to see you smile.
Smile again my love,
Tell me that you love me,
That's the magic moments we share.
Now you believe that...
Wishes come true on a Ferris wheel.
With you here,
I know the lonely times are long gone.
High up on the Ferris wheel,
The clock tick,
At 12:00am... I held you close.
Kiss you on the lips,
As I say "I love you Anne".
Smile again my love,
I swear with my life,
I shall forbid anyone to fade your smile.
Smile again my love,
Even if I turn to ashes,
I shall rise again just to see you smile.
Smile again my love,
Tell me that you love me,
That's the magic moments we share.
Now you and I believe that....
Wishes do come true on a Ferris wheel.
There's nothing to be afraid,
Take my hands and close your eyes Dearie,
Come into my arms,
I will hold you tight all the way round.
Open your eyes... now,
I will show the beauty of this world,
All the street lamps,
Swirl around us and the stars in the sky,
Sparkle brilliantly,
Isn't it a wonderful world?
Smile again my love,
I swear with my life,
I shall forbid anyone to fade your smile.
Smile again my love,
Even if I turn to ashes,
I shall rise again just to see you smile.
Smile again my love,
Tell me that you love me,
That's the magic moments we share.
Now I believe that...
Wishes come true on a Ferris wheel.
Shall we take a ride on the Ferris wheel?
There's nothing to be afraid,
Take my hands and close your eyes Dearie,
Come into my arms,
I will hold you tight all the way round.
Open your eyes... now,
I will show you the beauty of this world,
All the street lamps,
Swirl around us and the stars in the sky,
Sparkle brilliantly,
Isn't it a wonderful world?
Smile again my love,
I swear with my life,
I shall forbid anyone to fade your smile.
Smile again my love,
Even if I turn to ashes,
I shall rise again just to see you smile.
Smile again my love,
Tell me that you love me,
That's the magic moments we share.
Now you believe that...
Wishes come true on a Ferris wheel.
With you here,
I know the lonely times are long gone.
High up on the Ferris wheel,
The clock tick,
At 12:00am... I held you close.
Kiss you on the lips,
As I say "I love you Anne".
Smile again my love,
I swear with my life,
I shall forbid anyone to fade your smile.
Smile again my love,
Even if I turn to ashes,
I shall rise again just to see you smile.
Smile again my love,
Tell me that you love me,
That's the magic moments we share.
Now you and I believe that....
Wishes do come true on a Ferris wheel.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
My 21st Birthday.
Today is my birthday… it should be a great one cause I will turn 21 years old today. This is where my life will begins the drastic changes; it could be good or bad… somehow till now… all I can see and feel is happy moments that awaits me and the ones I love. There are two feelings that came together today; joy and sadness… I’m happy that is my 21st birthday and at the same time I feel sad cause my dear is having a big exam today… I was unable to assist her and all I can do is support her emotionally and mentally… I just wish that I could do more for her.
I’m gonna continue my study pretty soon… and most of my family and friends have known bout this. I have been waiting for this day to be here and this time I won’t be beaten down again. I have found all the reasons to stand strong and be my best to face all the obstacles in front. My mum and my sweetheart gave me strength to summon courage and determination to be daring to fulfill my dreams and I will do my very best for both of them because I want them to be happy and proud of me.
Anyway… one thing that makes feel happy the most is that I have found someone that I truly love and she will cherish me the same way I does for her. It is hard at first, cause both of us have been through ups and downs in our life… we are afraid at first cause both of us don’t feel secure falling in love anymore after being hurt by someone that does not appreciate our love. I’m glad that my dear willing to accept my past and give me a chance to be in love again. I am willing to give my all to protect this love so we can walk side by side till the end and I shall allow no one to break us apart.
Today, I and my mum went MidValley Megamall and Pavilion to go for lunch and hunt for my prom night clothes as well. Actually we were suppose to go to Genting Highlands today but I canceled the trip cause I could not leave my dear alone to face with her ‘big’ exam and have fun by myself. Ok… today’s shopping really payoff well, I got a cotton pants from Topman and a leather shoe from Zara… gosh… and I love Zara. I already got my coat and shirt from Esprit the other day… now I only left with one last thing which is a leather belt… I suppose I will get it together with my dearie when we go shopping for her heels and jewelry later.
My dear is sick now…. she said that she is probably having a fever. Gosh… I’m so worry now. I hate myself now that I could not be by her side and take care of her. I want her to rest up early but she refuses to do so but I can understand why she declines it because there’s still an exam tomorrow. She wants to do her very best in this exam and I am very happy that she is able to pull herself together to make things better for herself. As I have said to her before… “I can only show you the right and safer path but in the end the decision is up to you but no matter which path you choose… I will always stand by you”. Remember these words dear? I meant the word I said so please place no doubts on it.
A man must honor his words because a promise is a promise… I will do my best to fulfill the promises.
I’m gonna continue my study pretty soon… and most of my family and friends have known bout this. I have been waiting for this day to be here and this time I won’t be beaten down again. I have found all the reasons to stand strong and be my best to face all the obstacles in front. My mum and my sweetheart gave me strength to summon courage and determination to be daring to fulfill my dreams and I will do my very best for both of them because I want them to be happy and proud of me.
Anyway… one thing that makes feel happy the most is that I have found someone that I truly love and she will cherish me the same way I does for her. It is hard at first, cause both of us have been through ups and downs in our life… we are afraid at first cause both of us don’t feel secure falling in love anymore after being hurt by someone that does not appreciate our love. I’m glad that my dear willing to accept my past and give me a chance to be in love again. I am willing to give my all to protect this love so we can walk side by side till the end and I shall allow no one to break us apart.
Today, I and my mum went MidValley Megamall and Pavilion to go for lunch and hunt for my prom night clothes as well. Actually we were suppose to go to Genting Highlands today but I canceled the trip cause I could not leave my dear alone to face with her ‘big’ exam and have fun by myself. Ok… today’s shopping really payoff well, I got a cotton pants from Topman and a leather shoe from Zara… gosh… and I love Zara. I already got my coat and shirt from Esprit the other day… now I only left with one last thing which is a leather belt… I suppose I will get it together with my dearie when we go shopping for her heels and jewelry later.
My dear is sick now…. she said that she is probably having a fever. Gosh… I’m so worry now. I hate myself now that I could not be by her side and take care of her. I want her to rest up early but she refuses to do so but I can understand why she declines it because there’s still an exam tomorrow. She wants to do her very best in this exam and I am very happy that she is able to pull herself together to make things better for herself. As I have said to her before… “I can only show you the right and safer path but in the end the decision is up to you but no matter which path you choose… I will always stand by you”. Remember these words dear? I meant the word I said so please place no doubts on it.
A man must honor his words because a promise is a promise… I will do my best to fulfill the promises.
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